Black Lamb

Name dropping in the Bush League

June 1st, 2010

BY JOHN M. DANIEL

My late brother, Neil Daniel, used to enjoy saying, “The last time I saw George Herbert Walker Bush, he was sitting on my toilet, moving his bowels.” (Actually, he said “Poppy Bush,” not the full four-part name, and he had a less formal way of saying “moving his bowels,” too.) Neil was a wit with a sophisticated sense of humor, so it’s curious that he would bring this matter up, and equally curious that it always got a laugh. After all, we’re talking about an act that everyone in the room, presumably, has done more than once. Even future presidents of the United States, future protectors of the Free World.

(In England, I’m told, the Queen does not go to the bathroom. Parliament passed a law back during the realm of Queen Victoria that the bathroom must come to the Queen.)

I don’t think my brother was simply looking for a cheap laugh; nor was he making a pompous egalitarian statement along the lines of “Everybody poops.” No, Neil was doing some sophisticated name-dropping, downplaying the long-standing close relationship our family had with the Bushes of Kennebunkport.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: Daniel | Link to this Entry

The Case of the Missing Family Tree

March 1st, 2010

BY JOHN M. DANIEL

IN THE AJAX BUILDING

A dame shaped like Centerfold Barbie glided into my office. “Mr. Blank,” she purred in an upper-class English accent, “I’m Josephine Toy. My family has lost its family tree. Can you help us?”

“I know nothing about English trees, Mrs. Toy,” I answered. “Just the ones in northern Minnesota.”

“It’s Miss.” She tossed an envelope onto my desk, then turned to leave. Her jeans were so tight I could read the tattoos on her buttocks: “Right,” “Left,” in that order.

“Those are instructions, Mr. Blank,” she said over her shoulder. “So you can get in touch with me.”

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: All Crime Issue, Daniel | Link to this Entry