Black Lamb

Island America

March 1st, 2006

BY JOEL HESS

I wonder how many of the contributors to this month’s All-Television Issue of Black Lamb will write about the immense inanity of American TV, or mention Newt Minow’s oft-repeated quotation about television’s being a vast wasteland. In the forty-some years since the former FCC chairman made that astute observation, the landscape has only grown vaster, what with three new broadcast networks and hundreds of cable choices, and more barren. I am not about to enumerate the myriad ways this is so — most of Black Lamb’s readers, simply by nature of your being readers, are surely painfully aware of the dilemma, and one need only briefly consider Paris Hilton to confirm it. (I am convinced, incidentally, that Paris is the Zsa Zsa Gabor of this decade: a talentless blonde bimbo who is famous for being famous. At least Zsa Zsa was amusing on talk shows.) But there is one aspect of this question I would like to bring up, since it indicates to me a serious fault with American society. And, frankly, it drives me to distraction, especially since returning recently from Europe.

Spend twenty-four hours sometime viewing American TV. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, or what part of the country, or what channel(s) you choose. Notice anything? It’s likely that in those twenty-four hours you will not see a single second about anything outside the U.S.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: All Television Issue, Hess, Television | Link to this Entry

Consumerism run amok

March 1st, 2006

BY BLACK LAMB

Again we present an unparalelled opportunity for Black Lamb readers and would-be consumers: exclusive access to a magnificent gift compendium, the Whole Whog Catalog, first published in 1980. Take advantage of the original catalog prices by ordering today.

For this special issue, here’s a valuable product made possible by the same technology that brought us the television.

Video Hearth®

This hot item is the state-of-the-art in home fireplace convenience. High-realism video fire does away once and for all with fussing and fuming, dangerous flames, unpleasant smoke and odors, excessive heat, airborn soot, ash residue, and costly firewood and kindling. Includes videotape library of eight real hardwood fires, from mellow mahongany to exciting eucalyptus. Quality 25-inch solid-state color TV is built into your choice of two handsome fireplace consoles: traditional woodgrain look wall-mounted type with mantel, or contemporary freestanding metal hood type in persimmon enamel. High-fidelity stereo sound for hissing embers or a roaring, crackling blaze. Remote control lets you vary flame color, brightness, contrast, and volume.

Mantel set: Only $695.95
Hood set: Only $629.95

Order today, with check enclosed (shipping is free!), through Black Lamb, P.O. Box 4531, Portland OR 97208-4531, USA. Please allow six to eight weeks for delivery.

All entries are from the Whole Whog Catalog, by Victor Langer, Leslie Anderson, and Bob Ross, with a preface by Chevy Chase (New York:Times Books, 1980). •

Posted by: The Editors
Category: All Television Issue, Television, Wretched Excess | Link to this Entry

Yourself to blame

March 1st, 2006

BY MILLICENT MARSHALL

Dear Millie,

Generation Gap

Dear Gap,

I have to admit I have trouble imagining what the four of you, whatever ages your kids are, can watch together, without either the older or younger generation nodding off or stomping out of the room in disgust. But if you are able to find programs that satisfy all of you, I say keep up the good work. Anyway, the kids have plenty of opportunities to watch their favorite junk when they visit their friends’ houses.

One TV in your house? Well done.

Millie

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: All Television Issue, Ask Millie, Marshall, Television | Link to this Entry