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February 2013 in Black LambVolume 11, Number 2 — February 2013February 1st, 2013 In our February issue, Toby Tompkins satirizes the gun culture with Get ’em while you can. Dan Peterson contributes a fourth piece on life in Italy, Le ragazze. In Hair today… Patsy Tompkins realizes how important hair is to a cancer patient. Elizabeth Fournier describes the business of finding a house to buy. In Valley of Love, Lorentz Lossius continues his 2007 travel diary from Turkey. John M. Daniel takes a walk around the town he lives in in Oklahoma by the sea. In Working class heroes, Ed Goldberg weighs the sins of the Left and the Right. Two more personages from the world of literature enter our pantheon of Honorary Black Lambs and The Ultimate Literary Calendar: French immortal Victor Hugo and English novelist Lawrence Durrell. Bridge columnist Trixie Barkis comes up with moe tricky hands. Our monthly recipe is for Curried Lamb Stew with Okra. Advice columnist Millicent Marshall answers more readers’ questions. And Professor Avram Khan gives us another challenging Black Lamb Word Puzzle. •
Posted by: The Editors Get ’em while you canBefore the government takes our guns awayFebruary 1st, 2013 BY TOBY TOMPKINS Let me get one thing straight here. I don’t like crazy people using guns to shoot little kids any more than anyone else who isn’t crazy, all right? Everybody in town knows I’ve been running Guns Unlimited out here on John Stark Road ever since my father passed back in ’92 — and by the way, that was an accident which can happen even to someone who knows guns backwards and forwards, so forget what you read in the town’s liberal rag. He was not drunk. My dad knew better than to mix firearms and firewater. He only took a drink on Saturday night, and the accident happened on a Wednesday. Have a little respect for the truth, all right? The obit in American Rifleman Magazine got the story right. But the point is, I will guaran-goddamn-tee you that not a single one of his customers or mine ever shot a little kid with any weapon from this store. That Sig Sauer P220 Parabellum, the one they say was mixed up in the murder-suicide over to Wayne Bridge two years ago? I sold that pistol a year before then, to the Walmart over there at the Keene mall, when I was clearing inventory to make room for the P226 .22 Long Rifle, which is a better all-around weapon for your civilian shooter, and that’s where the woman bought it. You want to look it up, be my guest; I got the sales record for that year right in the shelf over there. You can’t trust computers, because the Feds can hack into ’em, so I keep my accounts on paper and put the pages in a good old-fashioned ring-binder, so when the computers all shit the bed when the goverment does their cyber-attack, kind of thing Glen Beck talks about… well, you catch my drift, right? It’s just common sense.
Posted by: The Editors January 2013 in Black LambVolume 11, Number 1 — January 2013January 1st, 2013 The Tenth Anniversary Issue In our gala Tenth Anniversary Issue, editor Terry Ross reflects on the vicissitudes (and rewards) of independent publishing. In The Comeback Kid Dean Suess begins a new year putting a life together after ten years of imprisonment. Ed Goldberg muses on the number ten in X marks the spot. In When I was ten, Elizabeth Fournier remembers childhood on the edge of adolescence. Michele Gendelman excoriates a nasty Sherman Oaks neighbor in Those damned ’copters! In Monday morning passing Babylon Lorentz Lossius describes walking to work in Melbourne. Toby Tompkins takes a look back in Black Lamb at ten. In The BoonyCat Rod Ferrandino announces an audacious plan for semi-retirement. John M. Daniel recalls a major change that happened as Black Lamb was being reborn in Relocation. In Flaming idiots, Elizabeth Hart describes a youthful adventure. Karla Kruggel Powell has a hard look at U.S. economics in Gaining ground in hard times. In Anniversary gift, Dan Peterson remembers a notable old-age romp. In an expanded Books & Authors section, Joseph James Batty sings a song of publishing in Hack’s lament. In Late bloomers, David Maclaine points out how many prominent authors of historical fiction started in middle-age or later. M.A. Orthofer salutes Roberto Bolaño’s last novel in Master at work. In A voice of New York, Brad Bigelow offers a portrait of the prolific Louis Auchincloss. Devon Shepherd reviews Haruki Murakami’s 1Q84 in The rabbit hole. Owen Alexander eulogizes prominent writers who’ve died since Black Lamb began publication in 2003. And three more figures from the world of literature enter our pantheon of Honorary Black Lambs and The Ultimate Literary Calendar: poetry immortal Lord Byron, English novelist Stella Gibbons, and Irish novelist J.G. Farrell. Bridge columnist Trixie Barkis comes up with ten tricks. Our monthly recipe is for Lamb and Red Pepper Casserole. Advice columnist Millicent Marshall answers more readers’ questions. And Professor Avram Khan gives us another challenging Black Lamb Word Puzzle.
Posted by: The Editors Those damned choppers!January 1st, 2013 BY MICHELE GENDELMAN From 2003 through 2005 I inflicted a humor column upon this publication, in which, among other topics, I recounted many of my experiences and exploits as a showbiz comedy writer. I called it “Mulholland Jive.” The house in which my fellow-comedy-scribe husband and I have resided for the last twenty-six years sits approximately half-a-mile north of Mulholland Drive. The hills leading up to it literally begin their ascent in my back yard and continue through several small canyons to Mulholland, which follows the crest of the low mountain range separating the San Fernando Valley area of Los Angeles from the Big City proper. Where I live is a neighborhood called Sherman Oaks. (The oaks, we’ve seen; we have yet to learn whence Sherman.) Friends and relatives from other parts of the country continually ask me which film and TV stars live in my neighborhood. When they visit, they eagerly accompany me to the local mall and grocery stores, hoping for a glimpse of a celebrity. Truth be told, it was rather fun, living in a faubourg full of “I’ve seen that guy a million times!” character actors and bona fide stars (“Oh my God, is that Annette Bening squeezing avocados in the produce department?!”). Until last year.
Posted by: The Editors December 2012 in Black LambVolume 10, Number 12 — December 2012December 1st, 2012 The All-Religion Issue In this All-Religion Issue, Ed Goldberg searches in vain for The true religion. Terry Ross says that in his experience, religion has been too often divisive. In Leaving the Lake Van Ferry, Lorentz Lossius and a Muslim friend discuss God and Allah. Elizabeth Fournier swears by praying to saints and calls herself a Cafeteria Catholic. In My god’s bigger than your god, Toby Tompkins finds little to admire in organized religion. John M. Daniel, who grew up in an atheist home, now has faith in what he calls The miracle of being. In Christianity & art, Owen Alexander looks at the causal relationship between belief and creativity. We honor two new Honorary Black Lambs, writers Walter Abish and Irene Handl, on their natal days. In A girl’s best friend, bridge columnist Trixie Barkis poses two defensive puzzles. Our delicious Black Lamb Recipe is for Lemongrass Lamb with Minted Orange Sauce. Millicent Marshall again answers readers’ burning questions. And Prof. Avram Khan proffers another of his challenging word puzzles.
Posted by: The Editors The true religionDecember 1st, 2012 BY ED GOLDBERG This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it. I write about religion a lot, so I may be plowing some old ground here. Religion permeates every corner of our world, its politics, its laws, its culture, its personal relationships. The golden rule exists in some form in the religions I know something about, and is honored more in the breach than in the observance. The priest, or what you may call him, too often loses sight of the distance between himself and the deity he serves. Sadly, the ministry to the flock becomes camouflage for unspeakable acts, from larceny to child abuse, more and more in our time. Or are we just more willing to expose it these days? Among Christians, the rock on which Jesus founded his church is gravel, in pieces. There are some big ones, like the Catholic Church, and some whose entire membership can fit into a storefront on a side street in a small town. Ecumenism, the idea that the Christian shards should be more united, can’t work. The Interfaith movement, attempting the same unity among all religions, is a delusion, a feel-good will o’ the wisp.
Posted by: The Editors November 2012 in Black LambVolume 10, Number 11 — November 2012November 1st, 2012 In November’s cover essay, What is a woman?, Terry Ross decries the willingness of the media to portray women as pieces of meat. Dan Peterson paints a portrait of Milan, a city he loves, in Life in Italy. In Farewell, my Lady Nicotine, John M. Daniel explains how it took him only sixteen years to quit smoking. Ed Goldberg examines the decline of social organizations and clubs in Joining the herd. In Grandma at Disney World Elizabeth Fournier describes how one ingenious Chinese family disposed of their forebear’s cremains. Toby Tompkins acknowledges his short fuse in Anger mismanagement. And Karla Kruggel Powell presents the further adventures of her pet budgies in For better or worse. We welcome two very different writers, George Eliot and William Kotzwinkle, into the ranks of Honorary Black Lambs. In Just for fun, bridge columnist Trixie Barkis offers two unusual hands. Our monthly lamb recipe is for Very Impressive Roasted Lamb Saddle with Peach-Pomegranate Sauce and Garlic-Roasted Tomatoes. Advice columnist Millicent Marshall takes bad sportsmanship to task in It’s just a game. And Prof. Avram Khan gives us another challenging word puzzle.
Posted by: The Editors Grandma at Disney WorldNovember 1st, 2012 BY ELIZABETH FOURNIER I have a friend who helped scatter grandma’s ashes at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. She didn’t exactly tell the kids that that was the specific reason they were all packed and heading down south in the Kia Sedona, but what would they have cared, anyhoo? It is the happiest place on Earth — for the living and in this case, the post-living. They prided themselves on taking care of business and doing it on the cheap. Grandma, who arbitrarily was known by the extravagant name of Sayonara, would have approved. Disney World was offering active duty and retired soldiers a free five-day pass for themselves and the ability to purchase five more five-day passes for $99 each. Booyah! That was striking pay dirt for a family who pulled the wool over Desert War Uncle Rickey’s eyes by promising him he’d have the chance to ride front row on all the “big rides.” They stayed at one of the Disney-owned hotels to take advantage of the early admission days they offer. The plan was to close down the park: stay late and enjoy smaller crowds, shorter lines, and fewer kids. The rope dropped and they were off like banshees, Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by: The Editors October 2012 in Black LambVolume 10, Number 10 — October 2012October 1st, 2012 The All-Politics Issue In October's All-Politics issue of Black Lamb, editor Terry Ross proposes a return to the principle of fairness in society. In www.stopthefreeride.gov, John M. Daniel offers a taxation plan that would solve everything. Dan Peterson remembers the Chilean coup of 1973 in The revolution was televised. In Potty mouth, Rod Ferrandino details nasty presidential campaigns of history. Toby Tompkins isolates the biggest political player of all in King Mammon. In Politics is the art of the possible, Ed Goldberg once again deplores right wingers. Elizabeth Fournier discusses environmentally clean burial in Politics of death? Green. Mark McLaughlin reviews two books on Alexander the Great in Boy, man, monster. In Writer/statesman Owen Alexander salutes Gore Vidal as the nearest thing we have to this species in America. A Politics Quiz offers ten famous quotes and asks you to name the speakers. Our Honorary Black Lambs column welcomes James Boswell and Eugene O'Neill into our pantheon of literary greats. Bridge writer Trixie Barkis celebrates the best player among presidents, Dwight Eisenhower. Our monthly lamb recipe is a Chinese dish called Emperor's Lamb. Millicent Marshall answers readers' questions. And Professor Avram Khan presents another difficult word puzzle.
Posted by: The Editors The All-Politics IssueIncluding a crucial principle to considerOctober 1st, 2012 BY TERRY ROSS With November’s election staring us in the face, it’s extremely tempting to throw up your hands, admit that nothing much is likely to change no matter who is elected, and firmly exercise your right not to vote. Besides, as Kevin Baker pointed out in the October issue of Harper’s Magazine, “Why vote? When your vote counts for nothing”: For more than a generation, this has been the central truth of American politics: How you cast your vote has almost no relation to what any candidate actually intends to do. This is not simply a liberal complaint. Conservative voters (sort of) elected George W. Bush president in 2000 because he promised fiscal prudence, limited government, and an end to “nation building” in foreign lands. What they got was a president who, almost from day one, busied himself running up record budget deficits, passed an enormous new prescription-drug entitlement, and attempted to build a model laissez-faire democracy in Iraq. Before Bush, Bill Clinton ran on a pledge to “put people first,” promising tax cuts for the middle class and welfare reform that would supplement benefits with job-training programs. Mr. Clinton had barely taken the oath of office before the tax cuts were deep-sixed in favor of reassuring the bond markets and a balanced budget became one of the administration’s important goals. By the end of Clinton’s presidency, Glass–Steagall and many of the other safeguards that had served to protect us from financial chicanery since the Great Depression had been removed, and welfare had been largely turned over to the states to do with as they saw fit — a major part of the safety net thereby whisked away. As with all the most pernicious trends in recent American politics, the move to uncouple campaigns from any true intentions came into its own during the Reagan years. After decades of echoing the catchphrase of his economic adviser Milton Friedman that “there is no free lunch” and advocating a smaller government, President Reagan tripled the national debt — once again, exactly the opposite of what nearly all his voters were counting on him to do. So voting’s a mug’s game, at least voting for president. And if voting’s pointless, then so is arguing about political issues. Still, in the interest of self-expression if nothing else, I’d like to nominate an ideal to strive for, however hopelessly: fairness.
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