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Black Lamb

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Black Lamb was created to offer the discerning reader a stimulating selection of excellent original writing. Published monthly. (more)

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Sick & tired

May 1st, 2011

BY LANE BROWNING

Emily Dickinson was lucky. Not because she had writing chops, but because she had a cool kind of sick. I’d like to have a cool kind of sick.

browningchained.jpgEmily had Bright’s disease. Maybe not a picnic to navigate, but what a charming name! So much nicer to be Bright than… er, Banal. So much prettier than “chronic idiopathic neuropathy,” one of my longtime physiological partners. Frederic Chopin and D.H. Lawrence were really lucky; they had tuberculosis! They could wheeze and cough and nearly faint from breathy malaise, their pale faces flushed with weariness and froth. They could wilt and swoon. Poets, artists, and musicians claimed that TB conferred heightened sensitivity — spiritual purity and temporal wealth. The Greeks named it phithisis — how cool would it be to tell someone you had that, to pronounce your ailment sounding like Sylvester the Cat’s “Thuffering Thuccotash”?

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: Browning | Link to this Entry

April 2011 in Black Lamb

Volume 9, Number 4 — April 2011

April 1st, 2011

The All-Women Issue

In our cover story, Terry Ross explains why spring and summer are the sexy seasons. In our page 2 feature, Dean Suess tells women that it’s time to Move on beyond hating men or defining themselves in comparison with men. In My uncle’s women, John M. Daniel looks back on the peculiar, and peculiarly generous relationships of his uncle Neil.

Greg Roberts writes about the opportunities for females in America and Europe in Free women. In No wiser, Ed Goldberg holds forth on the role of women in American society. Toby Tompkins delineates a curious breed of woman who must always be The star of the room.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: All Women Issue, Month summaries | Link to this Entry

The sexiness of spring & summer explained

April 1st, 2011

BY TERRY ROSS

Women think men don’t talk to one another — or that they talk only about sports — but it’s not true! We talk. Talk all the time. Talk about this, talk about that. Even talk about panty hose.

horsehead.pngNot too often, but the subject does come up. And when it does, there isn’t a man jack of us who has a single good thing to say about ’em. At least I’ve never met one who didn’t prefer an old-fangled pair of stockings to panty hose, or, for that matter, who didn’t prefer bare legs to stockings.

Panty hose! Why, back when I was a boy, this loathsome article of clothing didn’t exist. Show me a man who isn’t nostalgic for those days of regular, old-fashioned stockings — the ones that stopped, deliciously, somewhere along the thigh, the ones that were held up by garter belts and those little rubber and metal contraptions — I say, show me a man who doesn’t wish those wonderful sheer leggings had never been replaced by the despicable one-piece nylon chastity belt, and I’ll show you a court eunuch.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: All Women Issue, Ross | Link to this Entry

March 2011 in Black Lamb

Volume 9, Number 3 — March 2011

March 1st, 2011

In this month’s issue, Terry Ross argues that the military is on the wrong track in America and that the universal draft should be reinstated and made permanent. In our page 2 feature, Greg Roberts nominates himself Culture Czar. John M. Daniel recalls a memorable friend in The Artie Shaw business.

In Stand up and be counted Elizabeth Fournier brings us up to date on vertical burial. Toby Tompkins goes riding in Horse nonsense. Ed Goldberg remembers two performers in Out on the edge: Leonard Cohen and Captain Beefheart.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: Month summaries | Link to this Entry

Final exam

March 1st, 2011

BY BLACK LAMB

Could you have passed the eighth grade in 1895?

This is the final exam from Salina, Kansas.
It was taken from the original document on file at the Smoky Valley
Genealogical Society and Library in Salina and reprinted by the
Salina Journal.

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do, lie, lay and run.
5. Define Case; illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7-10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: Uncategorized | Link to this Entry

February 2011 in Black Lamb

Volume 9, Number 2 — February 2011

February 1st, 2011

The All-Men Issue

In this issue devoted to the subject of Men, Terry Ross lists some of the things that were expected of a boy and man when he was growing up. In our page 2 feature, It’s the language barrier, boys, Beren deMotier, a lesbian wife and mother, admits that she started liking men much better when she stopped dating them. John M. Daniel remembers a botched trip he took On the road to manhood.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: All Men Issue, Month summaries | Link to this Entry

The All-Men Issue

Four lessons for boys who want to become men

February 1st, 2011

BY TERRY ROSS

Today I am a
man. On Monday I return
to the seventh grade.

— Jewish bar mitzvah haiku

For this All-Men Issue of Black Lamb, I received a typically various bunch of essays from our columnists. In our page 2 feature, Beren deMotier admits — no, affirms — how much more she began liking men once she had stopped dating them. On page 3 John M. Daniel narrates a young man’s rite of passage, a failed attempt to savor the masculine world of a would-be Jack Kerouac out On the Road. Dean Suess (p. 4) remembers his penitentiary days and the bizarre attempt of one fellow inmate to get in touch with his true manhood. On the same page, Benjamin Feliciano paints a partial yet affecting portrait of contemporary young men. Ed Goldberg (p. 5) reflects on the differences, real and imagined, between men and women, as does Toby Tompkins in his essay entitled What is a man? (p. 7). Elizabeth Fournier (p. 6) takes a page or two from her book on blind dating to describe some of the sorry slobs she encountered in her quest for true love. Greg Roberts urges men to get out and be hunters — literally or figuratively — if they hope to win fair maidens. A passage from Lorentz Lossius’s Turkey diaries (p. 6) shows us men of a culture different from ours in the West, and Dan Peterson recalls an Italian man among men.

All of these essays, with the exception of John’s and Ben’s, are, in a way, almost as much about women as about men. (We’ll have an All-Women Issue in April.) They consider men, and men’s abilities and responsibilities, in relation to women. Which makes perfect sense. But in my own essay below, speaking as man, I’ve chosen to focus on a few things that in the past fifty or sixty years, at least in America, have pertained chiefly to males, young and old.

Lesson No. 1: You’ve Gotta Be Tough.

Physically tough. Tough enough to take a jab in the nose or a whack on the ear and not cry. Tough enough to mix it up, lick the blood off your lip, and punch someone in the face. Tough enough to endure pain in order to administer pain. To make that crunching tackle on the football field, to use your elbows on the basketball court. To hold your place in line when people try to cut in. To hang onto your stuff when others want to take it.

Skinny and underweight? Tough titty. Suck it up, kid. I remember being a skinny and underweight boy and being in more or less perpetual low-level fear of bullies. In my fantasy world, I was a tough boxer; I used to lie on my bed manipulating toy soldiers and cowboys in extended punch-outs. But on the street and in school, it was a different story.

And it didn’t change very much once I got into high school, either. There, the sadistic physical education teachers seemed to get a kick out of trying to toughen up the boys, like me, who didn’t like sports where you’re always bumping into people: football and wrestling, especially. It wasn’t until I was out of high school that the daily anxiety disappeared, but even then there was always the background hum of violence: tough guys looking for trouble, angry people spoiling for a fight. As a male, you were expected to be able to hold your own, to want to hold your own.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: All Men Issue, Ross | Link to this Entry

January 2011 in Black Lamb

Volume 9, Number 1 — January 2011

January 1st, 2011

Eighth Anniversary Issue

In the cover article for this Eighth Anniversary Issue, Greg Roberts looks at the last eight years and wonders if we are devolving as a species and allowing civilization to gradually fade away. In End Times, Dean Suess looks at the ends of millennia and makes some observations about the end of the first decade of the twenty-first century. In Betrayed, Benjamin Feliciano tells how his best friend left him high and dry.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: Eighth Anniversary Issue, Month summaries | Link to this Entry

Eighth Anniversary Issue

We are the Franklin Party of 1847.

January 1st, 2011

BY GREG ROBERTS

These past eight years have seen an enormous effort from the human work force. Billions of people toiled like termites in a million strange tasks from tapping rubber to launching satellites and designing dildoes.

franklinships.jpgBut when you really think about it, hardly any progress was made over those years. Oh sure, the latest laptop computers are as thin as fruit leather and baseball caps now contain little lightbulbs in their bills, but there have been no big breakthroughs, industrial or philosophical. As for myself, I saw an Agami heron and added it to my life list of birds, and I learned to smoke fish properly with just the right brine. And just this year I learned that you can use paint thinner more than once, by letting the paint pigment settle to the bottom of a jar and pouring off the clear spirits. Other than that, the eight years have gone by with little to show, like a goofy dream.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: Eighth Anniversary Issue, Roberts | Link to this Entry

December 2010 in Black Lamb

Volume 8, Number 12 — December 2010

December 1st, 2010

In the cover article of our December issue, 999 Clowns, Ed Goldberg extols the virtues of staying clear of jobs. In Every song its season, John M. Daniel wishes that Xmas music would confine itself to its own time of year. New Black Lamb writer Patsy Tompkins remembers The blizzard of ’69.

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Posted by: The Editors
Category: Month summaries | Link to this Entry

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